she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
There's always time for handjobs
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
