Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
