peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I intend to get homeless drunk
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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