I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
