You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
