I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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