To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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