the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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