the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
