I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
