I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
