My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
