Define "chronic" masturbator.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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