i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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