what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize