Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
