You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
