i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize