My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize