Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I wear drunk well.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
