u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
