You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
