I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize