sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
