in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i was born a porn star she said
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Randomize
