Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
