Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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