he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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