i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
