Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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