You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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