I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
