come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
