he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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