well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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