how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
