he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize