There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
