I think my vagina is haunted
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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