My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
