Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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