dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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