Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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