Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
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