i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
