I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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