yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
