I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
