Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
