my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
