Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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