no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Randomize
