i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
