Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
