im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
