I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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