We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
