oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Randomize
