I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
