I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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