The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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