We're facebook friends in real life
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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