I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
