please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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