How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
