it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
